How Gay Art Thou Faramir?
by solarae
Summary: Though the title suggests otherwise, this is the random and plotless "story" of the many loves of the fellowship- SLASH
1. Chapter 1

A/N Be warned that this story is absolutely pointless, and if you don't like Slash, don't read it. However- I cannot take all the credit for it's randomness which also falls to my co-writers Wrin, and Myia. I however am Sola, and I shall be you're "tour guide" through the story. Enjoy! R&R please!

Ch. 1

Aragorn put his hand on the shoulder of Legolas the Elvin prince. Eyeing him lustfully, Aragorn said, "We shall not leave Merry and Pippin to ruin." However, he's really thinking Now that Pippin is gone, you, Legolas, are the object of my affection.

Leaving his hand on Legolas' shoulder a moment too long, Legolas says,

"Sorry, Aragorn. I don't swing that way."

And with not-so-obvious delicacy, Legolas picked Aragorn's hand off his shoulder and dropped it by his side. Later, while Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn are running to save Merry and Pippin from the evil orcs, Legolas runs ahead to get away from Aragorn. Unfortunately Aragorn follows (leaving Gimli behind, per usual) keeps up with Legolas and makes passes at him.

"But I'll leave Pippin for you! I'll change!" cried Aragorn.

"Aragorn," Legolas repeated more sternly, "I **don't** swing that way."


	2. Ch 2

A/N: sorry for the extreme shortness- I'll post probably 2 chapters a day- that is if anyone is actually reading this. I hope you are enjoying this stupidity and remember to review but be gentle, as this is my first and only fanfic.

Ch. 2

Cuts to Pippin and Merry.

When Pippin hears the head Uruk-hai speak of human flesh, Pippin can only think of his love, Aragorn. Pippin believes Aragorn will come for him, unknowing that Aragorn can now only think of the master Elvin archer.


	3. Ch 3

A/N: Just a note- these chapters were written while watching the movies- some lines are word for word, others are altered to fit the story. Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS (unfortunately) because if I did, they'd all be gay he he he

Ch. 3

Frodo wakes up in Mordor, sweaty and screaming Gandalf's name. Sam looks at him in distress thinking 'Why doesn't he scream my name?' Sam then proceeds to skulk around camp all morning.

Later

Smeagol jumps the hobbits and has a jolly good time wrestling even though Smeagol's not "getting any." Frodo then manages to pin Smeagol but he doesn't kill him because secretetly, he's in love with him (A/N that's why he believes Smeagol over Sam later, but blames it on the ring)

Sam continues to skulk.

A/N: poor Sam doesn't get any... pouts... Frodo doesn't deserve him anyways.


	4. Ch 4

A/N: More Pippin and Merry- ENJOY!

Ch 4

Back to Pippin and Merry.

Although in the back recesses of Pippin's mind he had a love for Aragorn, he could not ignore Merry's presence any longer. Pippin's concerned eyes searched Merry's face with worry and he could no longer deny his new found love for Merry. Merry was only thinking of brotherly love as he eyed Pippin's face, yet just getting a look from Merry renewed Pippin's hopes of winning Merry's heart in time.

A/N: I would like to give credit for all Pippin and Merry scenes (prior and future) to Myia- my beloved writer partner person who does a smashing job with the Pippin and Merry chemestry.


	5. Ch 5

Ch. 5

Eomer's band of men surrounded Aragorn, Gimly, and Legolas. Eomer swung out of his saddle and planted himself firmly in front of Gimly.

"I would cut off your head if it stood but a little further off the ground" Eomer threatened.

"Then you would die before your stroke fell." Said Legolas boldly (as Aragorn swooned from his manliness- teehee)

Emoer's POV

My, he's a bold one. A little too pretty-boy-ish for me… but he has nice hair! END POV

They exchange names and Eomer gives the three two horses. Legolas gets onto one and Aragorn looks lustfully at him, but Legolas gives him his best "I don't swing that way" look and invites Gimly to ride behind him.

Aragorn regretfully swung onto the second horse, wishing darkly that he could be riding something a little different.

'Why can't Legolas just be gay?!?!?!' thought Aragorn.


	6. Ch 6

A/N: Hope you're enjoying the complete randomness!

**Ch. 6**

Treebeard

"Oh ho! What have we got here!?" said Treebeard continuing saying, "Two little ones just climbing up my trunk! Mm, not bad looking… what are they, orcs?

"We're hobbits!" Merry and Pippin cried in distress.

"Hobbits," contemplated Treebeard slowly, "They're a bit small, but I can give them a go…" (A/N: Just thought now would be a good time to tell you that Legolas is really a girl- dressed up as a guy- who's a lesbian.)

A/N: More to come! Further kudos to my co-writer Myia. Please Review!!!!!


	7. Ch 7

A/N: I know y'all have been just WAITING to hear something about Gandalf- so here goes!

Ch. 7

After fighting the Balrog and getting a promotion from gray to white, Gandalf decides it's time for a makeover.

He dyes his hair, polishes his staff, and purchases new robes. Then he waits in Fangorn Forest thinking Aragorn is traveling there, hoping to get him alone.

Gandalf is dismayed when he sees Legolas and Gimli travel with Aragorn. Gandalf still tries to woo Aragorn by embellishing on how he stupendously defeated the Balrog and gives a slo-mo hair flip when Legolas and Gimli aren't looking. The foursome then ride to Edoras.

A/N: Gandalf is SUCH a player- he likes practically everyone in the fellowship with the exception of… well… no one comes to mind. Anyway- credit goes to Wrin for the spectacular writing of Ch. 7


End file.
